Log

very depressed again today, considering the realistic odds of being forgiven for my sins. It doesn't appear very hopeful, yet I have no choice but to retain some hope within otherwise I will become entirely dysfunctional instead of only mostly dysfunctional. I have squeezed a few drips of possible hope from my better than average familiarity with the Scriptures, but even that is pretty weak.

I don't want to give yup hope nd I don't want others to give up hope but the odds are pretty large that most believers today, including myself may already be damned. Of course the rampant heresies of the apostate church have explained away all wise cautions that would prevent them from runnign headlong off a volcano rim, but that doesn't change the truth one bit and the truth is that most of us have willfully sinned after having known the truth and accept JESUS as our Savior.

And that means either one of two things, that almost every believer alive right now is just fooling themselve and is already damned beyond forgiveness, or somehow in spite of all the idiotic explainations as to why that is not so, there is still some actual explaination that truly shows it to be otherwise, but i have never heard nor seen any such explaination and my own hopeful theory is not very solid at all.

If one is to be damned it will be that one's fault, but fault or no, if one's fate is to spend eternity in hell, it would have been much beter for that person if they had never been concieved, but they were and they will have to drown in flames without rest or hope or peace for ever. People don't want to admit it, but that is fair. To offend GOD in any way is deservign of eternal torment, but to offend him in one of the biggest ways possible, by learning the truth and accepting HIS hard won gift, then turning around defiling that precious white robe with more sin, is very near if not the same to spitting in HIS face. GOD please forgive me for my disrespect, if i can be forgiven.

Nobody wants to believe they are damned, in fact most people don't want to believe anything that they are so much as not in the mood to hear, but there is no profit at all from self delusion. i don't know if i can be saved or not but I do know that if there is any chance at all, it lies in seeking to know and obey GOD with all my heart mind and strength and since that is also the best and most logical way to live anyway, even if i were damned, unless I want to be condemned to an even lower hell, and it does matter folks, i need to put JESUS first in my life at all times.

However i am a weak and filthy man and so iam still fighting myself to gain full control to hand over that control to GOd. I do believe i am making progress, but it may all be too loittle too late, btu i still have to keep going, there is no other rational choice,and being ratinal is the only way to prevent things from becoming even worse than they already are.

i dearly wanrt to know if i can be saved, but to be honest, if i cannot be saved, i don't want to know that until I must, as it would ruin what remaining time I have not in hell, which I try to savor with all thanksgiving for every moment of it, though i am generally sad and pained and miserable, compared to hell, this is a happy vacation and i am grateful.

GOD, if I can be saved, and if I can be made pleasing and profitable to YOU, please make it so, I beg YOU. Thank you for my ability to even ask and breath air and not be burning alive for now. I ask for myself, my family and as many others as possible in JESUS Holy name. Amen.